Why do I do this to myself?

Oh that’s such a loaded question – and so vague, right? I hate when people throw stuff like that out.

But here’s the deal. That loaded question has so many answers behind it that I felt like maybe it would help me to write about it and get it out of my system so I knock it off.

I gotta be honest. I’ve reached the point in Ironman training where

  1. I can’t stop eating (which isn’t a terrible thing I suppose…)
  2. I’m tired constantly (I could go to bed at 8pm every day if my kids wouldn’t be lunatics at night time!)
  3. I know the worst is right around the corner and I’m kinda dreading it (100 mile bike, 20 mile run, anyone?)
  4. I kinda want to be done (106 days to go. Blerg.)
Gah! Hopefully this isn’t your reaction to my blog. If it is, my sincere apology! 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m feeling SUPER strong with my training and I’m thrilled about how far I’ve come this year. I conquered my longest workout this past Sunday – a 3 hour bike and a 90 minute run brick and I surprised myself with how good I felt. I don’t want to compare too much to last year, but I do feel like I’m ahead of where I was and that makes me excited about the race. Matt has really challenged me, but he’s also very in tune to the cues I give him about the workouts and what I need/can’t handle. And I’m thankful for that!

With that said, I still wonder why I’m putting myself through this. I need to revisit my post from a few weeks ago about my “WHY”, right? I know. Listen to your own advice, dummy…

I also am finding myself with a major FOMO complex. Yep, as the kids say these days (or maybe they don’t and I’m just catching on?) – Fear Of Missing Out. Why do I seem to notice so much recently when friends are going on trips, or getting new jobs, or their kids are doing something spectacular, or they’re racing already (in warm climates, unlike here where is 40 and horrid in May…) and doing super well.

What is this thing? Sort of looks like an elephant?

Why do I care so much about what others do or don’t do?

I have no idea.

Social media is evil I suppose? It exacerbates the FOMO factor by a million. Stupid.

I keep telling myself I need to work within myself to take control of what I can control.

Not what others are doing.

Not how others handle their day-to-day lives.

Not with work where decisions are made 4 levels above me.

As Julia used to say: “for real life…”



But honestly…how do you do that?? It’s so, so hard. I know I can control how I manage my time, how I can be the best mom to my girls, how I can work to be a better wife and how I continue to aim for my current goal of the Ironman finish line.

Are there distractions and road blocks? Hell yes there are. Every day. But it’s how I choose to handle them that will either propel me or will stop me dead in my tracks.

I have to work so hard to convince my brain not to wander to the wrong side of the tracks, or I won’t make it for the next 106 days, much less beyond that.

So there you have it. My vague blog post titled “explained” as I know you all were *so* anxious to hear it!

I’m off to finish up the work day, and go volunteer at a 5k tonight with my running buddies Dan and Jason. Rob is running the race. I’m there to hand out beer at the finish. It’s currently 40 degrees, pouring rain and hella windy. Not sure who thought this was a good idea, but there may be a few beverages consumed in order to stay warm!

This will be how I’m dressed:





One Reply to “Why do I do this to myself?”

  1. When you say 106 days left, it seems like we have plenty of time until race day, but I know that it will fly by! We all have some FOMO, but I think everyone’s level is different. I agree…social media can be an evil contributor to this! I hope you have more sunny days with warm temps coming your way soon!


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