The self doubt monster

Happy mid-week, everyone! Hope your week hasn’t smacked you in the face too badly yet – we’re almost half way through the half way point which is always a good thing.

I’m honestly having a hard time focusing today. Hence, why I’m writing a blog post at during lunchtime on a Wednesday. I should be doing about eleventy billion other things (that’s a real number…) but my brain is scattered today. I’m tired, I’m irritated and I’m feeling like I need a break from everything. I realize that’s unrealistic but hey, a girl can dream, right?

via google

The last couple of weeks of training have been pretty intense so I think I’m feeling a lot of mental and physical fatigue, more so than I have felt since I started this whole crazy Ironman thing again in January. I did, however, complete all of my milestone workouts so far – including a 100 mile bike 10 days ago (struggle bus with that ordeal – holy bananas), a 2.5 hour bike followed by a 13.6 mile negative split run brick this past Sunday (major confidence builder), and a 6,000 yard swim yesterday (with 5,000 of that straight through without stopping – what am I, crazy?). Sprinkle in some additional speed work runs, long trainer rides, time trial swims, etc…and I’m beat. This week is a bit of a recovery week (sans the 6k swim of course – that, my friends, is NOT recovery!) thankfully but I know I have more hard stuff coming in the next 2 weeks.

Wanna know the craziest thing of all for me? Even though I’ve hit the targets Matt set for me almost dead on, there’s still this nasty self doubt creeping into my brain on a daily basis.

I question that I’m doing enough. I see what other people are doing and find myself comparing notes. That damn social media thing gets me every time. Should I really care that someone did a 20 mile run today and I didn’t? No. Should I care that others have done more races than I have? No. Should I really care that others qualified for these awesome championship races or Kona and I haven’t? No.

But do I care?

For some dumb reason, yes. And I need to cut that out.

It’s so easy to second guess everything at this stage of Ironman training, and I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling this way as I approach the final 30 days before the race.

Ummm…excuse me? Only 30 more days? I may have thrown up in my mouth a bit. 

See? This is what I mean! Part of me is thrilled to be able to almost see the light at the end of this crazy tunnel of training. But the other part of me is absolutely shaking in my Sauconys that I’m not ready AT ALL. Could I be more annoying with myself? I don’t think so.

I need to figure out a way to squelch this doubt.

Anyone know how I can do that? I’m happy to take suggestions.

In the meantime, I probably need to stop looking at things like Strava or social media of any kind. It does me no good and all it does is add fuel to the self doubt fire.

Maybe I can make a daily affirmation chart for the next 30 days.

via google

It’s a start I guess. So here’s my first one:

let’s hope…

Have a great rest of your week and maybe we can all help each other get rid of the self doubt monster!!


2 Replies to “The self doubt monster”

  1. WHAT?! 30 days?! I think I just threw up in my mouth! That self doubt monster is evil! I wish I could use a fly swatter and flatten it like a bug! I’m still in shock…30 days, really?! Eeekkk!


  2. You know what they always say – trust the training. If you’re nailing the training, you’re on track. You’ve been here before and know you can do it, so stop doubting yourself! 🙂 I haven’t gotten on board with Strava and though I like to support what people are doing for their workouts, I don’t want to worry about comparing myself. By the way, that non-stop swim is pretty awesome. Keep that in mind while you’re doubting yourself! Most days I’m proud if I push through 1200m without stopping, haha.


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